I Quit - Part 4

True story.

A few Sundays ago my family came home from church after a long morning of setup, worship, production, and tear-down. As usual, we were exhausted. Three of our four boys had gone home with some of their friends, so the only kids we had with us were my youngest and his best friend.

Awesome.

"You guys take turns playing Wii, keep the sound down low so we don't hear you, and have fun. We're going to take a nap."

Just as I was heading down the hall to the bedroom (where my wife had already gotten horizontal), there was a knock at the door. Two neighborhood kids had seen that the van was in the driveway and wanted to come in. "Sure thing," I told them, "but please keep it down because I'm going to take a nap."

And nap I did. An hour and a half later I awoke to a commotion in the living room. I got up, threw on some clothes (this is beginning to sound like a Christmas poem), and rushed to the den.

When I got there I was a little taken aback. The house was full of kids. The two who had originally shown up were gone, and now there were five other kids to take their places. This is in addition to the two who belonged to me. And the really interesting part of this is, I had never seen these kids before.

But that's not uncommon here. As I've said on this blog before, we have a neighborhood full of children. Many of these children are left at home to fend for themselves. Several come home from school to an empty house and have no key; they must wait until their parents show up to let them in, which will often be after dark. Many, if not most, are being raised in a single-parent home, and it's dad that's absent.

In addition, because this is fast becoming an urban area, and because we aren't far from the interstate, we have more homeless guys wandering nearby then I've ever seen before. Often they cut right through our neighborhood. One gentleman routinely stops by the house to do odd jobs and get a sandwich. All my kids know him and are genuinely glad to see him when he shows up.

Here is our ministry. It's among the people God has placed in our life. In the 12 years we've been in this neighborhood we've seen all our original neighbors move away, replaced by the scenes I've just described. We are surrounded by a rainbow of color, ethnic and religious backgrounds. We daily have opportunities to live out the beatitudes in the midst of our neighbors; forgiveness, generosity, non-violence, humility.

And as I've said before, it seems a shame to tell a neighbor you can't talk because you have to rush to a "church" meeting. Can I justify telling a kid to walk home because I don't have time to give him a ride due to a production deadline? How do I tell someone who's shown up late on a Saturday night in the middle of a crisis, that I don't have time to talk because "Sunday's coming", and I'm not entirely prepared? Then there are all the other relationship opportunities: tutoring, counseling teen-agers, rushing kids to the hospital, feeding entire families (like, 7 kids at a time!)

This is just me - you don't have to agree - but I think that we manufacture "ministry" opportunities at "church". Is "ministry" really filling the coffee pots on Sunday morning, counting people in seats, being on the worship team? Church leaders, ask yourself this question, because I have, and I didn't like the answer: Do you sometimes feel that people aren't "spiritual" enough because they don't engage in a ministry at your church, especially your ministry area? Do you judge people because they aren't "involved"?

I think maybe we've got our idea of ministry turned around a bit. No doubt, some great things happen on Sunday morning, but the Kingdom is wherever Jesus is present and active, whether it's at church on Sunday, at work on Monday, or in your neighborhood each and every day. I quit so that Stacey and I can make our home the center of our ministry. We will disciple our kids, and minister to our community. We have a huge children's ministry right here in our home.

I've asked this question before, but I'll end with it here: If Jesus lived in your house, how would that affect your neighborhood? What would it look like?

Review: The Autobiography of Martin Luther King

I have a confession to make. I haven't ever given much weight to Martin Luther King, Jr. His movement was largely before my time, and those who have attempted to inherit his legacy (ex. Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson) are almost caricatures. Add to that the African American preachers I've been exposed to both as televangelists and in real-life pastoring experiences here in Memphis, and the yes, I've had preconceived notions about MLK.

So why would I read his autobiography? Two reasons 1) More and more I have seen him quoted in other books I've been reading. If he's influencing those who are influencing me, then I should pay attention. 2) The hardback was on sale for $5 at Hastings.

Wow, what an eye-opening read. I live in Memphis, home of the Civil Rights Museum and the place that holds the (dis)honor of where King was assassinated. But I've never spent time trying to understand what King was trying to accomplish and his methodology.

What I've come to see is that King was a deep thinker: a real theologian and pastor. In the first chapters you get a brief glimpse of his early life and influences, but then you hear him working out his theology through college and seminary (Ch. 3). A few quotes:

• "The gospel deals with the man - not only his soul but his body; not only his spiritual well-being but his material well being" (p. 18)
• "Any religion that professes concern for the souls of men and is not equally concerned about the slums that damn them, the economic conditions that strangle them, and the social conditions that cripple them is a spiritually moribund religion only waiting for the day to be buried." (p. 18)
• "...I must attempt to change the soul of individuals so that their societies may be changed. On the other I must attempt to change the societies so that the individual soul will have a change. Therefore I must be concerned about unemployment, slums, and economic insecurity." (p. 18)

He wrestles with liberalism and neo-conservatism, Marxism, capitalism and socialism. And, especially, application of non-violent resistance, "a courageous confrontation of evil by the power of love, in the faith that it is better to be the recipient of violence than the inflicter of it".

A few things that impressed me about King. First, he was a strategist. It's interesting to watch what is going on "backstage" in the different civil-rights demonstrations he helps to organize. In the beginning there is less focus and strategy. But at each step King and the Southern Christian Leadership Conference takes a stop back, examines their successes and failures, examines their future prospects and are constantly taking corrective and strategic action.

Second, he was a prophet. I literally got chills reading chapter 27 where King describes the Watts riots in L.A.
"The issue of police brutality loomed as one of major significance. The slightest discourtesy on the part of an officer of the law was a deprivation of the dignity that most of the residents of Watts came west seeking. Whether it was true or not, the Negro of the ghetto was convinced that his dealings with the police denied him the dignity and respect to which he was entitled as a citizen and a human being. This produced a sullen, hostile attitude, which resulted in a spiral of hatred on the part of both the officer and the Negro. This whole reaction complex was often coupled with fear on the part of both parties. Every encounter between a Negro and the police in the hovering hostility of the ghetto was a potential outburst." (p. 292)

Fast forward to L.A., 1992 and the Rodney King riots. The unrelieved powder-keg of economic stress once again erupted in the same outburst of violence experienced in Watts in 1965, only with larger, more serious consequences. L.A. however, seems to be incapable of learning from their mistakes, or from the advice given by King: "The paramount problem is one of economic stability for this sector of our society. All other advances in education, family life, and the moral climate of the community were dependent upon the ability of the masses of Negros to earn a living in this wealthy society of ours." (p. 293) "When persons are for some reason or other excluded from the consumer circle, there is discontent and unrest." (p.295)

Repeatedly I read his critiques and observations about the conditions of inequality that he observed and how they expressed themselves through injustice and tension. I couldn't help but compare them to situations in the city of Memphis, and even within my neighborhood.

A few last observations: We see King grow in this book. Or at least, his thinking is revealed progressively. I always understood King to be primarily a force against racial discrimination. But what we see is King revealing three inter-locking forces, racial injustice, poverty, and war. As his life comes to crescendo he speaks out more about how these three forces are combined in American society. That one cannot be confronted and relieved without at least touching on the others.

And, finally, I can't help but feel some sadness as I look at the kids in my community and think of what should be King's legacy. King fought for the right for black children to have a quality education. But many of the kids I know don't see the value of education, and their parents - some contemporaries of King - don't see the value, or have not passed that value on to their children. I see King as a coalition builder, not a Black Nationalist. But my home city of Memphis is incredibly racially divided. We will never overcome the poverty and injustice in Memphis until both sides learn to trust each other and work together. And I see MLK as a community activist. King knew the value of mobilizing whole communities against evil. But it seems that we have either become accustomed to the evil or feel helpless in it's face. But what we know from King is that evil cannot stand when confronted by the Gospel and Christian community.

What Do You Do With The Kids?

Whenever I explain that we are a cell-based church, and that rather than meet at a building during the week, we meet in homes, the first question I'm always asked is, "But what do you do with the kids?"

This blog post comes from an email conversation I had with Liz Perraud over at Logos Ministries about inter-generational small groups. It's a break down of how we (Cordova Community Church) have decided to best create community among children, teens and adults. It ain't perfect, but it's a blessing.

We're a small church (~100-120 folks), and our cell groups are really a core of who we are. Before we embarked on a family ministry paradigm, we were already working within a cell group structure, so it's been a huge thing for us to make IG work. Super hard. But we believe that kids are best discipled within the overall community. When multiple adults are involved in a kid's life, it creates multiple connection points with the community at large. It gives parents another reliable voice speaking into their kid's life. It helps transfer the beliefs and traditions of the community in a stronger way than if mom and dad are the only influences.

We have 6-8 groups meeting around the city. One or two don't have kids at all, but most do, and lots of 'em! We originally tried to break our teens into their own cell group, but that didn't exactly work because it was too hard to have parents driving kids all over town AND attending their own group. So we put our teens back in their parents' groups, and we have a separate teen small group environment on Sunday.

Surprisingly, each group does their IG concept a little different, but we have some core concepts: Adults in the group are spiritual aunts, uncles and grandparents to the kids. They have a spiritual responsibility to disciple the children God has placed in their midst. Kids are involved in meal time, worship time, and service projects that the cell group does. Most groups are unanimous in having a "kids slot" teaching time during the group where kids will meet separately from adults. But we try to keep our adults and kids on the same lesson theme, just in an age-appropriate way. I write a "kids slot" using material from each Sunday's sermon. Our cell leader writes a lesson for adults using the same sermon. It's important that the adults and kids be able to connect around a common Biblical principle.

Here's what my group looks like:

1) We eat a meal together. We try to mix kids and adults as much as possible, seated together or mixed in different rooms. Kids assist with cooking, serving, setting table, etc.

2) We come together for joint worship. Usually a child picks the songs for the evening. Sometimes they're all kids action songs, but most of the time they are standard contemporary worship songs.

3) 3 weeks of the month we break up, and kids have their kids slot in one room, while adults have their adult lesson in another room. The last week we stay together for one lesson. It's great to hear the kids' thoughts on the topic, and it's good for them to hear an adult's perspective. It's amazing the conversations that get started.

4) The kids always finish before we do, but that's OK. Once their lesson is finished, they can play, watch movies, etc. We don't care to make them sit still and be quiet since they've been required to do that all day at school. When they're done, they play together!

Since we have some older middle-schoolers in our group, they typically lead the kids slot. Groups without middle-schoolers will generally rotate an adult teacher to spend with the kids, OR they all do the Kids Slot together (adults and kids) and then break for the adult teaching time, allowing the kids to play.

And one more note - we emphasize things like mixing adults and kids during worship and teaching so that the adults aren't on one side of the room, and kids on another side to be distracted by each other. And we also don't want kids sitting with their parents, since kids can typically push and manipulate mom and dad's buttons. And, finally, we don't let our kids sit on the floor by themselves. They are more engaged if they are sitting at the same height/level as the adults.

We picked up a lot of ideas from Daphne Kirk years ago, and though we've changed them a bit to fit our environment, she has some great stuff.

One last comment: inter-generational cell groups is sometimes a synonym for "organized chaos". Sometimes it's messy, loud and disruptive. But that's life, isn't it? One group member, looking back at his family's time in group remarked, "When the kids were little I felt like I never got anything out of group, but we kept coming. Now that my kids are older and have relationships with those adults, it was worth it."

I Quit - Part 3

The big question in this is, "When is the right time?" How do you know that it's the right time to let go of a ministry or leadership position? I'm not sure if I've answered these questions to my satisfaction, but here are some questions I've asked myself leading up to resigning:

1. Will this ministry survive without me? That may sound a little narcissistic, but here's what I mean: Have we created a culture where the vision of the organization continues regardless of the person in charge? I've been in ministry a long time. Frequently, a leader comes to a church and creates a movement with his/her personal vision. He creates a following, and the vision becomes action. But then when the leader moves on, the vision dies. A new leader comes on the scene, casts a new vision, and the organization leaves the old vision behind for the newest, latest, greatest, vision. I think, instead, the vision should always outlast the leader. Organizations have to be willing to scrutinize a vision and make sure it is a true direction for them, reflecting the opportunities and personality of the organization. Then, when a leader leaves, the organization matches the leader to the vision. So back to my question - will the vision we've cast for family ministry last beyond me? I think we're at a point where I can say, "yes". We have hammered, over and over again, our mission to "partner with God and parents as they raise children to know, love, follow and share Jesus." In short, "what happens at home is more important than what happens on Sunday." Our church owns this vision, and I believe, will measure the next leader by how he/she matches the vision.
   
2. Have I done all I can do? This has been a tough question for me. As leaders, we often dream of the ideal. We can see the end we have in mind. It compels us to keep going to work every day. It sustains us when we're attacked by the mobs. Each successful step toward that vision builds momentum in us. But there are limits to each person. Each leader will be limited by the resources available to him. This includes organizational resources such as money, time, creativity and personnel. And to some extent, there are personal resources that also limit what can be accomplished, like family responsibilities, physical, spiritual or emotional health, and even calling. I see a huge amount of potential in our family ministry, and the disciples of Jesus that can be produced. I've been instrumental in starting the ball rolling. But I have reached organizational limits and personal limits that have stopped the amount of forward movement I can effect. It's time for a new leader to step in who has a different set of personal limits and who can work within the organizational limits (or change them) so that our family ministry can move forward. Again, this is a hard question to answer, but is relieving my tendency to feel like a failure for not achieving every goal I've visualized. If you've done all you can, if you've reached the organizational and personal limits imposed upon you, then it's probably time to move on. If not, then get busy until you reach those limits. But either way, to stay in a position without moving forward would be selfish and bad for your organization.
3. Is this what I'm called to do? As I mentioned in my first post in the series, I am sure that I was called to do the ministry that I've been about for the last five years. I couldn't not do it. But as our lives and situations change, I think God can give us a new calling. I'll be writing more about this in my next post, but for now, I'll say that God has given me a new calling, a new ministry to be about. I don't care what job it is that you do, if you don't feel called to it, then you'll be miserable in that job. You may make a great living at it. You may excel in it. You may achieve success in it. But that doesn't mean that it will give you joy and satisfaction. Each person has to examine his position and decide whether leaving a job is the wise decision to make. It may not be prudent to up and leave a job, just because you aren't excited about it. But wisely preparing to transition out of a job to pursue what you're called to do is worth it.
   

I Quit - Part 2

Over the past two years I've been looking at my life in comparison to what I see of Jesus', and it's a lot different.

That's bad for someone who claims to model his life after Jesus.

Although changes in time, technology and culture are unavoidable, motivation and method can be largely constant. A long study in spiritual disciplines led me to a few observations about the simplicity of Jesus' life, patterns of rest and retreat that he observed, and openness - spontaneity - to encounters with people. And I noticed that my life had none of those qualities. I had built a life of complexity around two jobs, acquisition of "necessities", and down-to-the-minute time schedules that allowed no room for spontaneity in any relationship.

Over the past two years our family has made a concentrated effort to simplify. I make less money than I have in years, but need far less. We eat out less. We grow some of our own food. Our house is warmer in the summer and colder in the winter, but we're comfortable. We wash fewer dishes, but use less paper products. We keep our clothes longer because they don't wear out as fast since we have changed our laundry habits. We take - whenever possible, which isn't enough - an unplugged, sleep-as-late-as-we-want, commerce-free sabbath, and it's wonderful.

But the complication of time still exists. There just simply isn't enough time for two jobs, a wife, four kids, and spontaneity. So my kids, my wife, my neighbors, and both jobs get a small slice of my time, but not enough. It's like slicing a cherry pie into pieces that just aren't big enough for anyone to get up from the table satisfied.

The wife can't go.

The kids can't go.

The neighbors won't move.

My geek job pays most of the bills.

That leaves my ministry job as the only option.

So, in an effort to simplify my schedule, to allow for regular times of rest, to allow for unplanned conversations with my kids, to allow for those unexpected visits and emergencies from neighbors, I've quit my ministry position.

I'll sign off with this question that has bugged me for years: Am I letting the "job" of ministry interfere with real ministry? The answer, very often for me as a professional minister was, "yes". If you find yourself saying no to the people God has put in your life so that you can attend one more meeting, write a class outline, put together one more script, build another set, train another volunteer, then I think you - like me - are missing the point.

I Quit - Part 1

Sunday I resigned from my position as the minister over our elementary age kids.

There are a host of reasons, and I thought I'd spend a few days briefly reviewing a few of them.

Today, however, a confession: I've been in this position going on six years now. I already had a job as a business owner of a computer services firm. I had no desire to go back into ministry (I had previously been a youth minister on staff at a church that blew up). Been there. Done that. In addition, though I loved teens and had literally a life-time of ministry in children's programs, I thought the paradigm we were living in was how church life and children's education went: parents go to Sunday school class, kids go to Sunday school class and ne'er the two shall meet. And frankly, since I was a father of four kids, I welcomed the break.

But then I stumbled on Barna's "Transforming Children Into Spiritual Champions". When I did, it broke my heart, and I found myself - in the words of Jeremiah - with a "fire in my bones". I couldn't not be the guy to lead this transformation of our children's ministry. I couldn't shut up. I couldn't sit by and watch. And since our children's ministry position had recently become vacant, I am convinced that God had provided the calling and opportunity.

I believe, first of all, in discipleship. That's our mandate from Jesus. If you look at the recent history of the church, however, we have done a terrible job discipling new generations. In my lifetime the church has been strong on doctrine, but low on loving action. We've emphasized apologetics, but lost our place in God's story. Changing that means, first of all, creating new habits for a new generation. We start with discipling parents, and help them - enable and empower them - to create disciples of their children. Thank God that we are at a time in the history of the church where we see this.

Back to the Story

I'm a believer in context. It's important to know what's going on around you, where you've come from, and where you're heading. I've said it before, but I don't think I can say it enough, that when it comes to ministry, it's important to know the story. So often in church environments it's easy to forget the story we're a part of, and we sink - unknowingly - to a level of morality messages, Aesop's fables, instead of helping people find their place in God's story.

This morning I had an extended drive, so I was able to soak in Rob Bell's hour-long sermon from a few weeks ago at Mars Hill. What a fantastic sermon. I think it's essential listening for those who are in teaching ministry. It's just good for us as leaders to be reminded of what we're doing, and what the big picture is. It helps us focus our teaching and messages, helping connect those smaller stories we tell each week to the bigger story.

So if you haven't listened to the Mars Hill podcast called "The Importance of Beginning at the Beginning", do it.

Two more observations: First, I know at our church we do a "vision casting" sermon series each year to remind our partners what we're about. It doesn't include a "big picture" like this, and many other vision casting sermons I've heard by other leaders don't include a full telling of God's story either. This should be required regularly.

Second, can you imagine being at a church where you can teach an hour long sermon on a Sunday morning, and have people so engage that the randomly "Amen" in agreement all the way through, instead of randomly getting up and leaving because the preacher has cut into the lunch hour? What an environment. That would be great.

Of course, as a children's minister, it would drive me crazy trying to keep up with everyone's kids for an hour ;)