I was thinking the other day about some of the things that "work" in our neighborhood. What helps us connect with the kids on the block?
It occurred to me that much of what I do with the kids here is what I learned as a minister to children and youth. Youth ministry and children's ministry is a mission field; you study the culture and engage your audience with the things that connect with them, things like sports, television shows, music, and video games. You must speak their language and try understand what kids are experiencing.
Then I really started thinking...Maybe our churches have their ministry paradigms turned upside down.
Even in this era of "family ministry" and "partnering" with parents, we professionals are still doing ministry essentially the same way. The ministries I've seen are still planning the next big, attractional thing. We're still trying to get the kids in the door with the "wow" factor. And children and youth ministers still seem to be focusing on making themselves the cool connection point (I've been there, so I can say it). Often we try to be a hipster so that our kids and students will like us, will confide in us, and will keep coming back. Meanwhile, our parents are struggling to make those connections with their own kids, much less kids in their circle of influence. Many parents feel inadequate because of the failures they experience at home every day. In the shadow of the student pastor, many feel down right inept.
But what if we turned the funnel upside down? Professionals, what if - instead of focusing our efforts on making ourselves and our ministries look cool - we spent our time making parents look cool? What if we gave them the secrets to our success? What if we taught them how to connect with the kids in their neighborhood and gave them access to the resources we use? What if we helped them plan the next big thing at their houses so that kids from all over the neighborhood would flock there? I imagine that besides making great connections with neighbors, the cool factor of our parents would skyrocket with their own kids when the kids saw that their parents were the adults other kids wanted to be with.
Is it that we don't trust the adults in our churches? Is it too much work to train parents how to engage the culture? Are we afraid that our own influence might be diminished?
I don't know if it's as sinister as that, but I think equipping our church members to be the attraction - the "light" - in their neighborhoods is probably a worthy effort. Who wants to flip the funnel first?
Thank you for your thoughts David. My first reaction having cooled now do to technical difficulties my response may be less emotionally driven...
ReplyDeleteInitially when I read your words it hit me in a downward way because I thought "How do I convince the parents that they want to be 'cool'? How do I convince them that they want relationships with children?" Many do not seem to want those things.
This strikes me as part of other general vibes...Those of the amazing lack of community in our 'church' as well as our tendency to be personality driven.
Our homes are now areas of retreat in our country. We leave home to 'go somewhere' to interact with others then return home, close our doors and escape from everyone else. Truly there are some we allow into our homes more often and there are those precious souls who really do practice hospitality. However in my slump this morning I was thinking that the majority treat home like a fortress with walls that few people ever scale. It is hard to be in community when you are alone.
Secondly we are so dependent on a person to lead us, with leadership structures and flow charts and chain of command....How do we convince ourselves and others that the Holy Spirit has got it under control and to look to Him for guidance rather than the person standing in front of the crowd, even if they are 'cool'.
These thoughts are not exactly on topic but this is where my brain went after reading you post so you get what you get!
Thanks again David - for your thoughts, and your editing:) - M
Michelle, I've probably mixed too many points into one post, so it probably aggravated you more than it should have ;)
ReplyDeleteFirst, and most important, is the idea of decentralizing the church. We have to empower our people to be in their communities doing God's business. Many folks still don't realize that it's possible, and it's expected. Church leaders have created this attractional beast, and now it's time for us to kill it and create something new.
Second, where I see an example of this in my personal experience is youth and children's ministry. We've blessed our y/c ministers by giving them the money and resources they need to create their cult of personality. A good y/c minister knows how to attract, entertain, and legitimately minister to the kids they draw to themselves. But what I'd LIKE to see is the church turning that talent back around, making y/c ministers the resources to equip people to connect and minister to the kids in their own neighborhoods. And a nice by-product of that would be that parents would be able to better connect with their own kids. Thus, the "cool" factor of parents goes up because the y/c minister has helped them connect with their own children. Just one example.
As far as our homes being a "retreat" instead of an outpost - I'm totally with you. Suburbia has lost the art of hospitality. I'm sure that in your world travels you've seen something very different. My own experience in low income/urban areas has shown me a different way of living "with" your neighbors, instead of just living in the neighborhood. But how do we change this?