The Problem of Time

There's just not enough time.

If you're a parent, you've probably heard that your relationship with your kids isn't about quality time (you can't budget such a thing), or the quantity of time you spend with them. It's about the quality of quantity time. The more time you spend with someone, the more opportunities you have to find moments of quality within the time spent.

The bedrock of relationship is time.

And I'm sure you have your finger on the left-mouse button, ready to click on another link, because you know this already. And in your mind you're saying, "I knew that already", and I know that just like me, you don't have any margin in your day. BUT DON'T LEAVE YET.

Here's what I'm discovering: I have begun moving among a population of people who demand my time. Maybe they always have, but I'm just now discovering it. And they are demanding that time because they have lots of time to spend.

• My neighbor, who doesn't have a "real" job, but instead does odd jobs as he finds them.
• The old lady down the block who cares for several of generations of children, but who has no need to be anywhere "on time".
• The retirees who meet at Starbucks every morning.

They all want chunks of time from my day. Not just bits of "hello", but long swaths of storytelling, reminiscing, and problem solving. Sometimes I'm annoyed by what I perceive as theft. I tell my wife when I go check the mail, "If I'm not back in 15 minutes, come get me". But if I'm humble and open to learning from someone else, I realize that these people are rich. Besides having what I consider to be "too much time on their hands", what these people have in common is two things: One, they are never in a hurry. How many times have I yelled at my kids for playing with Star Wars figures instead of getting ready to go? How many times have I argued with my wife because she's lost her keys and we have somewhere to be right now? How many times have I cussed the car in front of me (who is driving the speed limit) because I can't get there fast enough? You can't hurry your way to peace.

The second thing these folks have in common is that they are always surrounded by people. My neighbor always has two or three guys hanging out with him. They share the work, they share a beer (or two or three), they share laughs. The old lady down the street is surrounded by children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. The retirees are gathered together, a congregation of world-problem solvers.

I'm afraid of what it would take to create enough white space in my life to support this kind of time. How would your routine have to change? Would you need to change careers? Would you have to drop a hobby, an association, one of your kids' sports teams? Would you have to stop going to the church you attend? Is it even important enough to make a change?